Are You Relationship Ready?

So, you want to fall in love? You are certainly old enough and moving well along your chosen career path. Many of your friends are either married or in committed relationships. You have grown weary of the singles scene

and the solitary life. Therefore, you must be ready, right?

Not necessarily.

So what is relationship readiness anyway? Exactly what it says. You are adequately capable of handling the commitment and challenges that a healthy, intimate relationship requires.

How do you know if you are ready? What are the characteristics you need to have or acquire in order to be ready for true love?

There are four primary areas that you should explore in order to assess your present state of readiness.

1. Take an inventory of past traumas and related major issues.

You should mentally review these and honestly look at how well you have already addressed and resolved them.

As you work through each, ask yourself, "Is this impacting me negatively in my present life." Also explore with yourself the possibility that the issue could become problematic once you have entered into an intimate relationship.

If you believe that there are things you have not yet adequately dealt with, you need to go to work on these. If you are unsure, then they bear closer examination. Consider utilizing resources such as therapy or joining a support group.

An example of such issues can include, but not be limited to; emotional, physical or sexual abuse in childhood, parents' divorce, loss of a parent or other loved one, or a past abusive or dysfunctional love relationship.

2. How's your self-awareness and self-esteem?

If you do not possess adequate self knowledge and a positive sense of self; an intimate relationship will be difficult or impossible to sustain.

For instance, do you know yourself well enough to answer the following?

Can you state your most deeply held values?

Do you know what you can't live with or without in a relationship?

Do you have a good grasp of your life goals?

Do you know your own strengths and weaknesses?

Now, do a quick assessment of your self-esteem.

How do you see yourself?

How do others see you?

Remember you present different selves:

at work

with family

with friends

in gatherings with acquaintances

If your answers tell you that you have difficulty accepting and liking yourself, or if others frequently respond negatively to you in your interactions with them, then this is an area you should begin work on. Self-love is at the foundation of all healthy relationships.

3. Are your past relationships really in the past?

If we don't get adequate closure on painful experiences/issues from past relationships, we are at risk of bringing them into present and future relationships in order to relive and resolve them.

Therefore, it's important to know that you have dealt adequately with any significant hurt or loss and have learned from any dysfunctional dynamics you may have contributed to.

If you find yourself slipping into unhealthy patterns in your thoughts or Behaviors as they relate to others; stop, identify, and then deal with that leftover issue.

4. Do you know what you want from a relationship?

We enter into relationships for many different reasons and with many different expectations. Knowing what yours are will help you to determine if this is the right relationship for you.

Too often we "choose" someone using an unconscious level of thought as our primary input. It is there that we hold our deepest unmet needs, fears and desires. Unfortunately, there is often a chasm between our conscious and unconscious selves that keeps this information "hidden" from our rational and thinking side.

Therefore, it is very important to examine all of your feeling and needs regarding any future relationship. Honestly look at what you must have and cannot live without.

You must know what you want and need from a future partner in order to choose the right one for you.

Now, spend some time exploring these four important areas before you enter into a serious romantic relationship. By doing so, you will be helping to ensure that your new relationship will be a healthy and lasting one.

Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Mens Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, Dear Dating Coach. Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers.

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Analogy And Metaphor As Activators Of Unconscious Association Patterns

The logic of an analogy can appeal to the conscious mind and break through some of its limiting sets. When analogy and metaphor also refer to deeply engrained associations, mental mechanisms, and learned patterns of behavior, they tend to activate these internal responses and make them available for problem solving. Suggestions made by analogy are thus a powerful and indirect twofold approach that mediates between the conscious and unconscious. Appropriate analogies appeal to the conscious mind because of their inherent interest while mobilizing the resources of the unconscious by many processes of association.

Analogy, puns, metaphor, paradox, and folk language can all be understood as presenting a general context on the surface level that is first assimilated by consciousness. The individual words and phrases used to articulate that general context, however, all have their own individual and literal associations that do not belong to the context. These individual and literal associations are, of course, usually suppressed and excluded from consciousness in its effort to grasp the general context. These suppressed associations do remain in the unconscious, however, and under the special circumstances of hypnotic trance, where dissociation and literalness are heightened, they can play a significant role in facilitating responsive behavior that is surprising to consciousness.

The adult reader is usually searching for an author's meaning. Within certain limits it really doesn't matter what particular sentences or words are used. Many different sentences and combinations of words could be used to express the same meaning. It is the meaning or the general context of the sentences that registered in consciousness, while the particular sentences and words used fall into the unconscious and are "forgotten." In the same way one "reads" the meaning of a whole word rather than the individual letters used to make up the word. The general context of the letters registers as the conscious meaning of a word rather than the individual associations of each letter.

The greatest hypnotist of all times, Milton Erickson, has devised a number of techniques to activate the individual, literal, and unconscious associations to words, phrases, or sentences buried within a more general context. Turns of phrase that are shocking, surprising, mystifying, non sequiturs, too difficult or incomprehensible for the general conscious context, for example, all tend momentarily to depotentiate the patient's conscious sets and to activate a search on the unconscious level that will turn up the literal and individual associations that were previously suppressed. When Erickson overloads the general context with many words, phrases, or sentences that have common individual associations, those associations gain ascendancy in the unconscious until they finally spill over into responsive behavior that the conscious mind now registers with a sense of surprise.

The conscious mind is surprised because it is presented with a response within itself that it cannot account for. The response is then described as having occurred "all by itself without the intervention of the subject's conscious intention; the response appears to be autonomous or "hypnotic."

Analogy and metaphor as well as jokes can be understood as exerting their powerful effects through the same mechanism of activating unconscious association patterns and response tendencies that suddenly sum-mate to present consciousness with an apparently "new" datum or behavioral response.

Milos Pesic is a professional hypnotist and owner of highly popular and comprehensive Analogy and Metaphor web site. Visit now for more articles and resources on hypnosis and NLP related topics, free hypnosis scripts, self hypnosis, weight loss hypnosis, stop smoking hypnosis, and much more.

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